Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

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They're all volunteers

Last night I was kept up by pyr8queen who has had a cough for several weeks now. Somehow she can sleep through it, but I can't. So I went to sleep on the couch and had a crazy dream! I dreamt that I was invited to visit Oxford University by nephandi who was studying some sort of academic thing there. When I arrived on the private jet he sent for me, we went immediately to the house where he lived. Hogwarts-style, all the people who lived  there were members of a sort of social club, and membership in that club conferred societal privileges all through life. In the house was a library and I sat down and started browsing through the exciting and rare volumes of knowledge contained there.

I came up with an experiment I wanted to conduct. I proposed that we had the technology to accelerate a craft to significant enough a percentage of C that it would involve real relativistic effects. We didn't have the tech to brake, turn around and return within one lifetime, however, so we'd have to use a monkey and sophisticated sensors that would measure the impact of relativistic speeds on higher lifeforms. In the dream, this was sort of important. As I describing my idea to nephandi I was putting together a little model of the craft out of bits and bobs that were on the desk. Sir David Attenborough sat down next to me as I was talking, and i stood up and said, 'Oh, excuse me, Sir." But he insisted I continue, as he was one of the dons of Oxford.

So I explained my idea to him, and he said, "Very interesting, indeed." Just then Emma Thompson walked, who was also a Don there. Sir David beckoned to her, and she walked over and picked up the model. "And what have we  here?" she asked.

I stood up and said, "That's the Monkey Conveyance Device." And I proceeded to describe my experiment to her. She said, "Well, that sounds rather unkind to the monkeys, doesn't it?"

I replied, trying my best to keep a straight face, "No Ma'am, it's quite all right, all the monkeys are volunteers." She raised an eyebrow archly and said, "Carry on" while walking on. Sir David Attenborough also excused himself, and when he was gone, nephandi and I laughed ourselves silly. He went back to studying and I started browsing through more books, when a little phone on the desk rang, an old-fashioned wired phone. He picked it up and said, "Yes?" "Ah, yes, I see." "Ok, I'll let him know, thank you." Then he turned to me and said, "You're in Oxford."

A little gobsmacked I said, "What? What you mean I'm 'in' Oxford?"

"Sir David was impressed by your experiment, he said you're to be matriculated. Apparently they have one seat for a student each year that arrives by unconventional means, and they haven't appointed anyone this year. So it's you!"

"But...but...I can't afford tuition. What, do I move to London? How does this work?"

He laughed and said, "That's all your problem, man, you got in, you do the rest!" I was beside myself with excitement. I had to do it. I immediately wanted to call pyr8queen and tell her. Of course, she was asleep in the other room, so in my dream I couldn't call her because of the time difference. I was so excited about it, that it actually woke me up - at which point I returned to the bedroom since she was finally sleeping quietly. as I got back in bed, I said, "I got into Oxford."

Very sleepily, she made a sort of positive-sounding, 'Mmmph?" sound.

Tl;dnr - had a dream I got into Oxford by shooting monkeys into space.

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