But one thing I continue to have a very hard time with, and will perhaps never accept, is the degree to which people avoid any confrontation, no matter how necessary and right. I get that society here is much more laid back than East Coast culture - insult humor is generally not practiced, sarcasm is not the de rigeur response to everything in life, and people are generally more kind and welcome rather than brash and brusque. I actually like that, and have adapted. But we go too far.
I have in the past complained that there is no social wrong that anyone could commit that would be worse than actually calling them to task on it. In other words, if you shot my dog, I'd be the asshole when I said, "Hey, you shot my dog!" not you for doing it. Because to draw attention to a problem, no matter how serious, is in the hierarchy of sins here, far worse than to cause the problem in the first place.
This has never been more clear than lately, when - and I shall name no names nor cite any specifics - it came to light that one friend had very seriously wronged another. Because this was serious indeed it couldn't be ignored - like, to do would have been perhaps criminally negligent. I don't want to go into too many details. But what hurts my heart is that the people who have dealt with the issue are perceived as the villains of the piece, and not the instigator. I do not know what to do. It causes me much angst, as I have a tendency to try and deal with problems, especially serious ones, rather than brush them under the carpet.
Battle lines have been drawn. I have some hopes that the end of the drama is in sight, but it is only because enough people have stopped talking about it that there are no more sides to take. I feel ashamed to have been in any way associated with such a deep moral failing...but I've worked hard not to descend into negativity and blaming, but instead to work towards some accommodation of everyone's feelings. Rather than say, vent my own.
There's a reason why Captain America was a New Yorker, and not an Angeleno. Because Cap wouldn't put up with this shit, let me tell you.