You are not Matisse. No matter how carefully you arrange every speck and molecule of your salad, it will not be art. In fact, it will just be a salad, that you eat, with a fork. If you absolutely insist on imagining yourself as some great artiste of the salady arts, can't you just go all Jackson Pollack and throw that shit on your plate with brio? FAST, careless, brio?
You've been arranging shreds of carrots for a while now. I want to just get my damn salad, get my damn soup, and throw it down my neck. I don't have time to wait for your fucked-up combination of OCD and culinary spectacle.
Get out of my way, stupid fussy salad guy.
David V. Krieger
SGT, U.S. Army (RET)