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Toes on Hammers

I swear, this is not a passive-aggressive swipe at anyone.

Imagine that someone you knew went around smashing people's toes with hammers. Just randomly, "Hey, howzit?" SMASH. And it really hurt, but not like emergency room hurt. But really hurt.

I'd think that person was someone not worth knowing. But I know - and have even myself been - so many folks who are willing to treat each other in a total hammer-smashing way emotionally. For some reason that gets a pass, like because it's not physical harm, it doesn't count.

Well, for my part, I'm going to do my best never to go around smashing any toes anymore, even if I'm in a really crappy, smashy-hammery mood.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
fenriss
Dec. 15th, 2010 09:36 pm (UTC)
You know, growing up my father always used to refer to that as "hitting people in the head with a 2X4." You can say the most terrible thing, and then say "just kidding, can't you take a joke?" and you are supposed to get away with it. But it's just as violent as if you actually struck the person. So, yeah.
aghrivaine
Dec. 15th, 2010 09:38 pm (UTC)
and truly, I'm not thinking of anyone in particular - I've just noticed a lot of people in a lot of different circles - and remember my own misdeeds - where they'd have been furious if someone else treated them like that.

I guess part of maturing is seeing one's self in others, and learning to be gentle.
(Deleted comment)
aghrivaine
Dec. 17th, 2010 03:45 am (UTC)
Yeah, "brutal honesty" is almost never appreciated. Very few people can really handle it, however much they may say otherwise. I include myself in that... I've come to realize a gentle truth is preferable in ever way. No one likes to be browbeat, no matter how right the browbeater might be.

I don't think the random insulters have their behaviors excuses. Assholes are assholes, even if they don't get called out for it on the spot.
thelastmehina
Dec. 15th, 2010 09:52 pm (UTC)
Emotions are far more amorphous and abstract than toes, though. It's easy to say, 'Gee, my toes hurt because of this arbitrary thing you did!' It's harder to quantify that re: feelings and emotions, since sometimes we don't even know we're the one with the hammer. And sometimes, we *are* the one with the hammer, but those toes just gotta get smashed (like a necessary breakup).
blanchemains
Dec. 15th, 2010 11:40 pm (UTC)
In the immortal words of Dire Straits... Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.

You can't always help how others perceive your words- but you're right that some people make no effort to be kind. The thing is... Even if you think that a person is getting away with saying horrible things, adding a cheerful "Bygones!" at the end and getting away with it, they probably aren't. It's a good bet that everyone else has noted the behavior and not in a good way.

creepingivy
Dec. 16th, 2010 12:36 am (UTC)
A few years back I handled a true disappointment incredibly poorly. I regret it but I'm not sure going back and offering band-aids is at all productive, for them or me.

So, lesson learned and I'll try to leave my hammer at home.

I've been thinking about this alot lately- seems I'm not the only one.
nephandi
Dec. 16th, 2010 02:14 pm (UTC)
Now you got me remembering the Irish gangsters in "Death to Smoochy." 'Always got me hammer, mum.'
aghrivaine
Dec. 17th, 2010 03:45 am (UTC)
More things should be associated with "Death To Smoochy"
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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