Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

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World's Best Relationship Tips

Based on the advice of the the World's Best Relationship Tips I just attacked pyr8queen while she was cooking chorizo and eggs for breakfast. (Actually it was soyrizo and eggs, but let's not be pedantic.)

I crept up alongside the refrigerator. You see, one of the key elements of the stealth-of-the-ninja is using cover to hide your bulk. With a bulk like mine, the cover has to be substantial, so the fridge was about right. The dogs, however, were watching from a different angle and were easily able to perceive me.

Being dogs-of-awesome, they played along, and crept along with me. I then leaped out into the kitchen and punched her, shouting, "You won't finish that chore until you fend off my attacks!"

At first, she was just sort of stunned, and I was able to get in quite a few good punches and kicks. The dogs leapt to the attack, too, joining in and growling and biting her. After a few seconds of dog-and-ninja chaos, she came to her senses and made some feeble attempt to fend me off. She lacks the careful years of training I've had, but my mission was complete. And anyway, the dogs were still going nuts.

So I scampered off, chortling in victory. The dogs then proceeded to tear-ass around the house in laps, snarling, yipping and biting everything and especially each other. Until I wrestled them to the ground and rolled around over them, but that's really not related to the initial mission, and more along the lines of just fun.

Surely my relationship will now be stronger than ever.

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