Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two
aghrivaine

  • Mood:

No sleep...feeling...craaaazzyyyy

I'm beset by a plague of mammals in my sleep. I'm a light sleeper by nature, so any little shift or sound will wake me up. Fortunately I can generally go back to sleep pretty easily, so it's no big deal. A little bit of a challenge living with someone else, but I'm getting used to it, after 30-odd years of living alone. If I can sleep through artillery barrages (and I have) I can sleep through having the blankets stolen. Not so much the sleep-talking and sleep-punching, but that's not every night.

But add in a very needy cat, who insists on barnacling up into my armpit at night, and it gets a little more tricky. She really only feels confident making herself visible while the dog is sleeping in his crate - which means as soon as he's down for the night, she's a furry little growth on my ribcage. She gets so close that she'll jam her tail under my torso, and sometimes I shift onto her leg or hindquarters, causing her to grumpily swat at me. Waking me up. It's also hard to get comfortable when on one side I'm penned in by the blanket-cocoon, and the other the cat-barnacle.

Add in to the mix the other cat - who has perfected the Kung-Fu style of Heavy Cat Technique - she can vastly increase her apparent mass when she wants to pin me down for the purpose of making me into a cushion. For some reason my butt is incredibly beguiling to practicioners of Heavy Cat  Technique. She climbs onto me at night, and proceeds to hold me down with approximately the mass of Io, the moon of Jupiter.

On many nights, therefore, I never get any kind of deep sleep until Herself gets up well before dawn and leaves for work. Then the dog gets out of his crate and jumps up on the bed, thus chasing off the cats. Blink will occupy a part of the bed with a granite solidity that will not be shoved...but he doesn't move around much and other than moo-ing once or twice, doesn't make much noise, so I can just move around him and finally get some sleep.

But recently there's been a galactic convergence of cat-barnacles, moons of jupiter on my butt, sleep-talking, mooing dog, and other distractions that have resulted in no sleep for me, even after I'm finally "alone" in the bed. The dog scratching, the cat hissing, snooze buttons on the alarm... I can't actually recall the last time I've really gotten a full night's sleep. I'm exhausted!

I think I'm going to install a hammock that hangs over the bed, and cede the lowlands to the huns.
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