Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

Can't Breathe

In the last year of his life, I visited my grandfather in the hospital. He'd bulled his way through congestive heart failure, cancer, and pneumonia all at once, but for a while it was very touch-and-go. He had tremendous trouble breathing, and told me, "In the long dark quiet of the night, when you have to fight for every breath, and you're too exhausted to fight anymore but you can't sleep either, you start to think about how much longer you might have."

For my grandfather, who could have given Leonidas lessons in Stoicism, this was a massive admission of human frailty. I am not half the tough guy my granddad was. I've had this lung infection for almost two weeks now, and my breaths are getting shallower and shallower, and I have less and less energy to cough, which hurts more and more. This is day three of an antibiotic course, but so far I don't really feel any better.

Fortunately I'm not 80, I don't have cancer or congestive heart failure... but the long dark quiet of the night is still awfully long, and awfully dark.

I would like to breathe freely now, please.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.