Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

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Dispatch from Bumbleford

The international collossus that is East Bumbleford continues to grow at an astonishing rate. The citizenry have asked of me, their despotic but enlightened leader, which of my whims they can best indulge. I therefore have considered, and proclaimed the following.

Whereas the "War On Terror" has not materially enhanced the individual security of American citizens, nor of their children or grandchildren who are frequently invoked, and whereas the "War On Terror" is impossible to win, terror being a state of mind and not a person, place or thing; and whereas the "War on Terror" has steadily eroded American civil liberties, national treasure and prestige abroad; and whereas the "War on Terror" has engendered a vast series of human rights abuses, I, the Sublime and Despotic Mayor of East Bumbleford do decree the following: The "War on Terror" has failed, and further that a change of targets is in order - because I have found the notion of a war on a state of mind politically expedient and also absurd and therefore amusing - the new war shall be henceforth the "War On Conservativism". Be it known that Conservativism materially decreases the individual freedom and security not only of American citizens and their children and grand-children, but also of citizens of every nation everywhere regardless of their capacity or intent to do harm to American citizens; whereas conservativism has resulted in dire offences against human rights, severe infringements of civil liberties, a steady erosion of the rule of law, the death of the Habeas Corpus (most fundamental of all civil protections), the severe depletion of national treasure, the emnity of most of the world, drastic increase in the influence of believers in an all-powerful Invisible Man in American goverment, shameful offenses against American honor and decency, and wholesale destruction of the world's natural beauty and environment; we do declare war ever everlasting on Conservativism. Practitioners of Conservativism, beware! In East Bumbleford, you shall be undone entirely - your greatest works razed to the ground and forgotten by history as all but a sad and ludicrous diversion, your children will revile your name and deny their ancestry, the influence of the believers in the Invisible Man reduced to nothing and their cult and the state separated entirely; you shall be outcast and unclean - detained without trial, held without charge, and tortured as is only appropriate to those who have caused such ever-lasting woe in the world. Your doom is nigh.

I, the Sublime and Despotic Mayor of East Bumbleford, have spoken.

Davus vult!

We invite the mayors of neighboring cities to East Bumbleford to join us in our War Against Conservativism. You are either with us, or against us.

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