Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

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Chased by hummingbirds

Originally uploaded by aghrivaine
Just look at this guy. Isn't he giving you a baleful glare, like he can see into the black depths of your soul? He knows what you've done, sinner, and how you'll pay...oh, how you'll pay!

For some reason some people like hummingbirds. They put out hummingbird feeders to attract them. My next door neighbor has a bush that attracts them when it's in flower - which it is now - and the bush has overgrown onto my balcony. Normally there's just one or two of the little buggers zipping around. They flip me out, to tell you the truth - when I'm concentrating on reading as I normally am when out on the balcony, out of the corner of my eye, hummingbirds scan like gigantic freaking bugs. I always jump. Their mosquito-like proboscis only reinforces their insect-like features. Plus that rapid-fire twittering - it's not cute or pretty, it's more like a Merseyside soccer hooligan keeping up an endless stream of profanities about Man U.

Still, one or two at a time I can handle them. But yesterday, there were swarms of them. One would zip over to my balcony and hover directly in front of me, chittering at me to *get* *the* *fuck* *out*. No sooner had one said his peace, than another zoomed over, chased off the first, and picked right up where it had left off. They'd have little aerobatic dogfights right in front of me too.

Finally after the zillionth hummingbird dive-bombing, I gave up and went inside. Later I crept out with the camera and took these. Now, I ask you, do these disreputable, discreditable, shabby looking characters seem at all cute? No, they do not. They are the bird equivalent of the more aggressively scuzzy breed of bum that summer has brought to Venice.

I mean LOOK at 'em:

Pugnacious humming bird.

Seedy hummingbird

Particularly regard the pugnacious set of the first one's jib. He is not there to charm and delight you. Oh no, he's there to run you off and lay claim to his turf - you are not wanted, large clumsy human. You will be pecked, chittered at, and disturbed! Such a chittering you'll get!

Well, that's what I imagine they're thinking anyway.

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