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Law Suits

A list of law suits that I would like to make:

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. Ben & Jerry - their ice cream is too damned delicious for my good health, particularly vis. Cinnamon Bun Ice Cream, Stephen Colbert's Ameri-cone Dream, and Creme Brulee

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. monkeys - for being too damned funny

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. the Pacific Ocean for nut-slapping without hope of retaliation

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. the gypsies - for taking all the good parking spots and never moving their car-homes. Also probably stealing my bike.

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) for excessive moodiness and sundry health issues

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. bactera - for infecting my eye

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. my cat - for steppnig on my head in the morning and causing loss of sleep

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. TSA - for stealing my toothpaste on several occasions

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. the month of June - for excessive cloud cover in the Los Angeles area

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. you - for wasting time and productivity reading this

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. World of Warcraft. Just because.

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. ninjas - slander against pirates

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. Mark Burnett Productions - for not calling me back about "Pirate Master"

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. grrm for writing too slowly. Also never reading my script.

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. nephandi for using too much alliteration

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. crapdaddy's room-mate Rob, for promising to run Dungeons and Dragons, but not actually doing it.

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. Los Angeles for unrealistic body image expectations.

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. girls for not liking smart boys.

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. for aging

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. Tony Stark for being a tool

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. Marvel Comics for killing Captain America

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. Captain America for going out like a chump.

  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) & Robert Poteete, esq v. The Police - for watching every move I make.


More will develop as time progresses, I am sure.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
nixieq
Jun. 19th, 2007 07:18 pm (UTC)
David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. girls for not liking smart boys.

hey now -- i think you need to narrow the scope on that one a little. some of us will have little or nothing to do with boys who AREN'T smart, so clearly leaving "girls" as the defendant is a losing proposition.
aghrivaine
Jun. 19th, 2007 07:59 pm (UTC)
Well you'll have to take that up with my attorney.
recoveredweasel
Jun. 19th, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC)
David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. you - for wasting time and productivity reading this

-I'm at work, so this is a perfectly lawful act.

David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. girls for not liking smart boys.

-I am a girl, and I like nothing BUT smart boys, so you will end up paying the legal fees on this one, Davy!
aghrivaine
Jun. 19th, 2007 08:17 pm (UTC)
Tell it to my attorney, sister!
nephandi
Jun. 19th, 2007 09:38 pm (UTC)
Goodness, this may keep me busy for a while.

Although you will have to find other counsel for at least three of those suits.
aghrivaine
Jun. 19th, 2007 09:39 pm (UTC)
  • David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. Robert Poteete, esq. for not suing himself

  • toast3r
    Jun. 20th, 2007 12:49 am (UTC)
    The following claim will be dismissed:
    ~David Krieger (U.S. Army SGT, retired) v. ninjas - slander against pirates
    Grounds: Real ninjas do not talk


    aghrivaine
    Jun. 20th, 2007 01:17 am (UTC)
    This has not been established in court. Please see my attorney.
    nephandi
    Jun. 20th, 2007 03:42 am (UTC)
    "..."
    vis_major
    Jun. 20th, 2007 01:25 am (UTC)
    You are a trip. Also, that cinnamon bun ice cream is double-damned delicious.
    blanchemains
    Jun. 20th, 2007 02:52 am (UTC)
    Yeah. I read this post as: blah blah blah cinnamon bun ice cream blah blah blah...

    Then I started to look for my car keys. I must try this.
    thefrank
    Jun. 21st, 2007 12:50 am (UTC)
    Since you used "US Army Sergeant Retired", my inner beast is placated once again and all is right with the world. - F -
    ( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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