A pox upon you! Damn your eyes! There I was on an otherwise lovely Friday, with all the promises of a fine day that Springtime in Los Angeles can offer - and whilst watering my plants, I noticed that you'd stolen my bike in the night. It wasn't a fancy bike, and it wasn't worth much - just exactly so you wouldn't steal it! I locked it up with a sturdy lock and affixed it firmly to my balcony. And yet, you cad, you poltroon, you made off with my bike!
May it be that, as you rode it off, you were soundly run down by a large truck. Thief! Blackguard!
D. V. Krieger