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Two Dreams of Love

I dreamt about you, last night, darling. Twice, in fact. I miss you. I wonder if you even think of me?

In the first I saw you at long last. Seeing you again, I felt such a sincere yearning, but I tried to be as friendly and casual as I possibly could. How often have I been told I'm too intense? I wouldn't want to scare you - but it must not have worked very well. Something electric must have been in the air around me, like one of Tesla's emitters, lighting bulbs without a cord. You smiled shyly. When you do that, my knees go week, you know? And then, just a second when no one was looking, you backed into me, leaned your weight against me, and reached up and touched my cheek behind you. You stepped away and glanced back - your smile not shy, but inviting. But then you were all business.

Waking, I knew that whatever I made of that moment would be true, should it come to pass. That if I were cynical, and thought you were playing a part to pique my interest and use me, it would be true. But if instead I believed your smile to be an invitation, whatever the odds, however impractical - that I could pick you up and soar away with you like two gulls on the wing. Waking, now, I remember what it's like to be in love - if only vaguely, and through a mirror darkly. Impractical, overwhelming, falling and soaring all at once. It's micro-gravity in your thorassic cavity, it's a moebius loop of fear-thrill-affection-desire-excitement-adoration-contentment. It's as grand as mountains and as quotidian as the daily bread. I remember.

In the second dream, I followed you, after that invitation. But it wasn't as easy as all that - because of course you are so desirable, and so much of what might or might not make me worthwhile as a mate is not visible on the outside - there was competition. We sat down to dinner at the hotel (in our dream) where we'd crossed miles to meet. There were groups of my friends and yours. At first we agreed to sit separately and catch up with our respective groups - but you sat next to a handsome man with a ready smile and a gymnast's physique. His gaze at you was impossible to miss, so I got up and sat with your friends, and smiled and did my best to relate. Waking, I know that to love you would be impractical, impossible - even less possible than a dream! That I would have to compete for you in ways with which I am neither familiar or comfortable. That I would have to again and again not just look my best, but BE my best. And isn't it funny that above, without thinking I wrote parenthetically "In our dream"? Impossible, of course - but lovely to think.

Waking, I remember what it's like to be in love. And I think it would be worth it.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 5th, 2007 10:08 pm (UTC)
Apr. 5th, 2007 10:17 pm (UTC)
That's beautiful. Thank you. *sigh*
Apr. 6th, 2007 02:21 am (UTC)
I continually find it amazing that for someone whom I had limited contact with in my everyday life, in your writings have found a voice. Obviously our two lives are very different, as are our experiences in love, but this whole entry resonates with me. I've had similar dreams of Erik, and I wake in much the same mood.

And speaking from personal experience, never doubt the possibility of having sharing a dreamscape with someone. Improbabilities abound; impossibilities do not exist.
Apr. 6th, 2007 04:35 pm (UTC)
Never doubt the power that social circles have to bring together like-minded people, however fleeting their contact might have been.

Improbabilities abound; impossibilities do not exist.
A lovely and poetical thought. Logic tells us otherwise, however - and math doesn't lie. (Damn that math!)
Apr. 6th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)
Logic and math...

There are somethings that mayahps science, logic and math just haven't explained yet.

For some, it's more than a lovely and poetical thought.

I do adore the way you write...
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


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