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Theatrical Credits

crapdaddy  is in a production of "The Scarlet Pimpernel" and has successfully convinced me to come audition tonight.
I have decided to do so - but am going to submit an entirely farcical theatrical resume. I want to include credits on this resume that will get a laugh out of the theatrical people for their sheer implausibility - but still sound like credits that someone somewhere actually has. For instance -

David Van Osten - Serious Actor - Triple Threat
Lead Dancer - Modern Movement Review - Harlem Dance Troupe

Okay, update - I did it. Here it is, for your enjoyment!

David Van Osten

Serious Actor

Triple Threat


(424) XXX-XXXX

Height: 6’0”

Weight: 215


Voice     Hung out with Enrico Caruso

Acting                         Julliard Academy / Instructor: Brian Atene

Stage Combat             Beijing National  Chinese Opera Company

Dance                          Rudolf Laban Scholarship to Berlin-Brandenburgische Akademie der Ausdruckstanz



 Theatrical -

Pirate King - Pirates of Penzance - Buccaneering Stage Company of Tortuga

Hamlet – Hamlet – The New Vic

Richard Rich – Man for All SeasonsKookaburra Musical Theatre, Australia

Carlotta – Phantom of the Opera - 4th National Bus and Truck Tour

Othello – Othello – Stratford Theatre Festival

2nd Snowflake – Dashing Through the Snow – Mrs. Strine’s 3rd Grade Play

 Film -

Chandelier Swinger – Pirates of the Caribbean

Monkey – Cutthroat Island

Singing Octupus / Swashbuckling Otter – Muppet Treasure Island

Corpse #3 – The Pirate Movie

French Guy Kicked in the Sack – Sharpe’s Revenge - BBC


Thanks for some of your great suggestions!


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 13th, 2007 07:39 pm (UTC)
Make sure to mention that you were in The Pirates of Penzance, Cutthroat Island, The Pirates of the caribbean, The Pirate Movie, Treasure Island and Peter Pan.
Feb. 13th, 2007 07:45 pm (UTC)
Oh, perfect!
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 13th, 2007 07:52 pm (UTC)
Oh that's REALLY good.
Feb. 13th, 2007 08:08 pm (UTC)
Third Snowflake / Mrs. Stalhbaum, The Hard Nut, King of Prussia's Mark Morris Tribute Community Ballet Cooperative.
Feb. 13th, 2007 08:13 pm (UTC)
Crapdaddy? Oh, noes.

World. To. Small. Shrinking. Rapidly.

(And that happens to be my favorite production. evar. *swoon*)
Feb. 13th, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC)
Re: Crapdaddy? Oh, noes.
I met you because Sheldon dragged me to the Riverside game, so it's not THAT small after all. :)
Feb. 13th, 2007 08:20 pm (UTC)
Re: Crapdaddy? Oh, noes.

Oh. I'm, um, apparently not very smart. :)
Feb. 13th, 2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
Re: Crapdaddy? Oh, noes.
I'm playing Chauvelin. Of course.

I think you should come out to Los Angeles and see Davy and I act.

Feb. 13th, 2007 09:44 pm (UTC)
Re: Crapdaddy? Oh, noes.

Of course. :)

I'd love to come out. I'm sure the two of you will be dashing, and I already know Davy can cook. And I'm sure you two would arrange for me to drape myself over the center balcony. So all I need is that private jet to just wisk me over there. Silly, pesky lotto for not providing. Sheesh.
Feb. 13th, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC)
You should also claim to have played Othello. I'd say at the Stratford Festival, but I don't know how well know that is in the LA theatre scene. medium well?

You could also claim to be 'Second Frenchman kicked in the groin' in one of the Sharp flicks...
Feb. 13th, 2007 08:53 pm (UTC)
Oooh, that's good.
I gave myself the credit "Singing Octopus / Swashbuckling Otter" in "Muppet Treasure Island" - and I've also claimed to study stage combat at the Beijing National Chinese Opera.
Feb. 13th, 2007 09:24 pm (UTC)
html glitch :(
Feb. 13th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC)
Feb. 13th, 2007 09:27 pm (UTC)
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aaaaaiiiiiiiggggghhhhh my eyes! >;)
Feb. 13th, 2007 09:39 pm (UTC)
Is fixed now, yes?
Feb. 13th, 2007 10:05 pm (UTC)
only mostly...
Feb. 13th, 2007 10:09 pm (UTC)
Now entirely, I think. If not, tell me.
Feb. 13th, 2007 10:11 pm (UTC)
Awesome. :D
Feb. 13th, 2007 10:03 pm (UTC)
You should pick a random children's television show and give yourself the title "Stunt Consultant."
Feb. 13th, 2007 10:58 pm (UTC)
OMG, this is fecking hysterical!
Feb. 13th, 2007 11:26 pm (UTC)
Harlem Dance Troupe

Dude, did you dance with Jerry Doyle?



Feb. 13th, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
I didn't include that one, since it's been done. :)
by the way - he has a radio show out here - one of those AM, ultra-conservative call-in shows. I heard him going on about the nobility of purpose in Iraq, and couldn't quite place the voice, until it hit me. Garibaldi!

I will say this - for an ultra-conservative radio show, he was not shrill, irrational, or unkind - just very ideological. that was a relief.
Feb. 13th, 2007 11:49 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I think he ran for Congress a couple few years back.



Feb. 14th, 2007 03:23 am (UTC)
'French Guy Kicked in the Sack – Sharpe’s Revenge - BBC' Priceless.

holy SHIT. I laughed so feckin' hard I nearly shat m'self. Nice work. Aaarrrrrr.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )