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I heard on NPR this morning that snow leopards are nearly extinct.

And you know what? They deserve to be extinct. That's right, I said it. Look, they're a predator that has decided that it wants to live in an environ where very few other mammals hang out - which is to say, the snow wastes. So it has this very specific microclimate it has to live in, and one that is very delicate since they're at the top of an already tenuous food chain. Now, roundabouts when global warming started shrinking the snow wastelands of the world, and the encroachment of man made their habitable enivrons less and less tenable, those suckers ought to have evolved. Plus, they're so darn cute that A: National Geographic photographers stalk them like paparazzi on Angelina Jolie - and B: lots of people want to shoot them and take their fur.

Survival wise, these are poor adaptations. They get no peace - if someone isn't poaching them, someone else is scaring off all their prey by tracking their diry-hippy-national-geographic stank all over the snowy wastelands. A far better adaptation would be, say, to evolve into junkyard leopards, instead of snow leopards. That way as the polar icecaps melt, and the snowy wastelands are more and more used as landfills to deposit cast off human filth, the junkyard leopard could blend right in and stalk the vast tracts of smashed cars, dirty diapers, fast food wrappers and used and discarded consumer electronics without being molested by dirty hippies or hunters. Plus, they'd have vast swarms of extraordinarily meaty rats to feed on, thus guaranteeing a life of ease and stress-free predation.

But snow leopards? Outta luck.

Poll #899172 Snow Leopard

Snow Leopard - stoopid animal that deserves to be extinct. Agree or disagree?



( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 2nd, 2007 08:13 pm (UTC)
I can't deny that you make a somewhat convincing argument, but I still disagree. Furthermore, I give you a resounding raspberry.

Jan. 2nd, 2007 09:22 pm (UTC)
You are certainly entitled to whatever opinion you may hold.
Jan. 2nd, 2007 09:34 pm (UTC)

I'm trying to decide if this is a joke based on your "I won't argue anymore" resolution. I honestly can't tell.

P.S. "Look, they're a predator that has decided that it wants to live in an environ where very few other mammals hang out..." I'd like to object to the premise that races "decide" where they want to live. I sure as hell didn't choose to be a carbon based life form that requires this air mixture and room service. I really feel like Mars is getting a bum rap. Why wouldn't I choose there? It isn't my fault! I'D CHOOSE MARS! MARS, I LOVE YOU! MARRRRRS!

mars, bitches.

Jan. 2nd, 2007 09:39 pm (UTC)
(I'm not terribly serious)
Jan. 2nd, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC)
your argument has swayed me. snow leopards = stoopid. i am ALL ABOUT the junkyard leopard, though -- let's import some!
Jan. 2nd, 2007 10:00 pm (UTC)
is this your old "ethopians deserve what they get for living in a desert" argument again?
Jan. 2nd, 2007 10:27 pm (UTC)
If you say so!
Jan. 2nd, 2007 11:07 pm (UTC)
Well, I don't think they 'deserve' to be extinct so much, but we all gotta go some time. You think the elephants are going to be holding fundraisers when we're on the brink? (which, the way we're hosting this particular hoedown, oughtta be soon.)

I don't think so.

And then something else will take our place. Get OVER it, for godsakes.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


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