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Cheese, glorious cheese.

Many of you know my feelings about bacon. Namely - that everything is better with it. Few disagree, so I'll leave it at that.

But a little while ago, I had a life-affirming epiphany of nigh-Joycian intensity, and it was about cheese.

I was microwaving some bean burritos (Bachelor Chow since the invention of the microwave!) and decided they need a little something. So I slapped on a slice of cheese, and popped it back into the microwave to melt it.

And then it hit me. Cheese melts. I mean think about it - you can take the essentially spoiled excretion of cow-tits, and it's delicious. I mean, cheese is great. Who doesn't like cheese? And it comes in so many varieties and flavors - the sublime complexity and smoothness of cheese is the sort of thing one could wax rhapsodical about. It goes so well with so many things - heck, people have "cheese and wine" parties. Few people have "wine parties" right... so it's really the cheese that's being celebrated. Cheese - fantastic!

But that's not all. No, see... if you heat it, it melts - and it gets EVEN BETTER. Think about that! By exciting the molecules of cheese in an endothermic reaction, it takes on a new, viscuous state that will run down into every crevice and nook of whatever you've covered with it - and infuse it with rich, cheesy awesomeness. It melts, and the already sublime becomes the flat-out gor'blime.

What more proof of a benevolent creator could we need than cheese, beer, and sex (and maybe bacon) - all things which occur in nature. God loves us, and wants us to be happy - and if you have any doubts, eat some cheese and see if you still disagree. And if you do - melt that cheese, and think again.



( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 29th, 2006 10:40 pm (UTC)
I am also a devoted lover of cheese. Every kind... cheap-from-a-can to the most expensive fancy cheeses. I love it all. *sigh*
Nov. 29th, 2006 10:43 pm (UTC)
In Wisconsin, you have to consume your dairy quota or you're not a good citizen. A friend once opted for skim milk and received a 5-minute lecture from a dairy farmer's kid. We're still bitter that California now out-produces us.

Cheese curds are the best... have you tried chocolate-cheese?
Nov. 29th, 2006 10:43 pm (UTC)
It comes in chocolate??
Nov. 29th, 2006 10:54 pm (UTC)
Why yes.. yes it does and I sell it! REALLY!
Nov. 29th, 2006 11:07 pm (UTC)
Yep! One variety is cheese with a bit of chocolate flavoring. The good stuff is chocolate cheese fudge. ...although just reading the ingredients will give you a heart attack.
Nov. 29th, 2006 11:10 pm (UTC)
..someday, someday...
Nov. 30th, 2006 12:21 am (UTC)
No no. Deep fried cheese curds are the best.

My entire commute is small towns and dairy farms. And I can walk to a cheese factory from my house.

I'm not sure whether I want someone to shoot me, or if the humor of it is worth living for. :D
Nov. 30th, 2006 12:26 am (UTC)
cheese comes from factories??
Nov. 30th, 2006 12:34 am (UTC)
I'm sure there are places that make it in bathtubs or something, but generally yes. It's not a LARGE factory, mind.
Nov. 30th, 2006 12:34 am (UTC)
Nov. 29th, 2006 11:01 pm (UTC)
I agree about both bacon and cheese. I made spaghetti and added some crumbled bacon to the top of it and then some shredded cheddar cheese. It was the most amazing spaghetti I'd ever had in my life.
Nov. 29th, 2006 11:04 pm (UTC)
Does this mean that those who are lactose-intolerant are reminded that God can sometimes be cruel?
Nov. 29th, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC)
Suffer, heathen!
(but have some consolation beer and bacon!)
Nov. 29th, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC)
Nah. I'm lactose intolerant (damn Asian bloodlines) and I eat cheese all the time. One stomachache is a small price to pay for a belly full of fabulous cheese.

Actually, I eat goat cheese whenever I can get it, and it is much much easier on my stomach.
Nov. 30th, 2006 01:09 am (UTC)
Replace Beer with Wine... and you have me sold. Cheese is my favourite food.
Nov. 30th, 2006 02:43 am (UTC)
dig it, Davey... A lovely naked woman with bacon strips across her lovely belly, each strip a tiny schooner for threads of spray cheese. And a beer chaser.
Nov. 30th, 2006 02:46 am (UTC)
I really don't need images like that in my head at work...
Nov. 30th, 2006 06:55 am (UTC)
To read about the deeper meaning (and joy) of cheese early in the morning made me smile.
Besides, I wholeheartedly agree. The world is a better place for containing cheese.
Nov. 30th, 2006 06:21 pm (UTC)
Pass the cheese Gromit!


I love cheese and now you have me wishing for it. When I was a kid I lived off cheese, potatoes and past. Why I was skinny as a rail I will never know. My favorite thing is when you get a pizza or grilled cheese sandwich and the cheese is slightly burned and a little crispy. When you taste it you can’t help but be happy.
Nov. 30th, 2006 06:24 pm (UTC)
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )