Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

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Cheese, glorious cheese.

Many of you know my feelings about bacon. Namely - that everything is better with it. Few disagree, so I'll leave it at that.

But a little while ago, I had a life-affirming epiphany of nigh-Joycian intensity, and it was about cheese.

I was microwaving some bean burritos (Bachelor Chow since the invention of the microwave!) and decided they need a little something. So I slapped on a slice of cheese, and popped it back into the microwave to melt it.

And then it hit me. Cheese melts. I mean think about it - you can take the essentially spoiled excretion of cow-tits, and it's delicious. I mean, cheese is great. Who doesn't like cheese? And it comes in so many varieties and flavors - the sublime complexity and smoothness of cheese is the sort of thing one could wax rhapsodical about. It goes so well with so many things - heck, people have "cheese and wine" parties. Few people have "wine parties" right... so it's really the cheese that's being celebrated. Cheese - fantastic!

But that's not all. No, see... if you heat it, it melts - and it gets EVEN BETTER. Think about that! By exciting the molecules of cheese in an endothermic reaction, it takes on a new, viscuous state that will run down into every crevice and nook of whatever you've covered with it - and infuse it with rich, cheesy awesomeness. It melts, and the already sublime becomes the flat-out gor'blime.

What more proof of a benevolent creator could we need than cheese, beer, and sex (and maybe bacon) - all things which occur in nature. God loves us, and wants us to be happy - and if you have any doubts, eat some cheese and see if you still disagree. And if you do - melt that cheese, and think again.


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