Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

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How to...

I have a tip.

If you ever want to rip a non-stop series of gigantic, volatile, noisome farts - get yourself some sugar-free cookies made with sucralose. Like maybe you're about to hop in the car with a few buddies for a long road-trip, and you want to smoke them out for that pantsing incident in high-school that you never forgave them for? This is perfect - there's something about sucralose that will turn even the most iron of stomachs into a veritable Hindenberg.

And I'm not talking about little subtle butt-burps either. These are vast, magnificent trumpetings of a foul and reeksome gas that would make a doughty man pale. Like unto a tuba that emits mustard-gas, you will be a plague unto all with your newfound powers of flatulence. Your mighty wind will knock even the stoutest oak down - parrticularly in an enclosed space like a car or cubicle. I can think of countless scenarios where being able to summon up gale-force hurricanes of floomf would be fun for the whole family.

So, dear friends - I give you this gift. A simple how-to about flatulene-at-will.

(warning: effects persist for quite some time)

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