Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

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Spider in my Shoes

As is almost always the case, I put on shoes this morning.

As has never previously been the case, I noticed there were cobwebs in them when I took them down from the rack. I gave it some thought. I've worn these shoes fairly recently - at least within the last week, they're my sorta-dress work shoes. Spiffy. So, what are the chances that cobweb is really unoccupied? Slim, quite slim. Closer inspection revealed that indeed, the cobweb was a spiderweb, and occupied by a teeny little spider.

I wondered at this spider's motivation. How many bugs fly into a shoe, to be caught and eaten? This was a pretty dumb spider. Anyway, I shook him out and spooned out the spiderweb with a pocketknife. I checked the other shoe - another web! What is it about this pair? Was it the same spider, and maybe he's a foot fetishest? Was it another spider, and there's something intrinsically appealing to spiders about these shoes - like a Malibu beachhouse for arachnids? "Sure, it's pricey, but man! Look at that view of the heel and the sole!"

I was unable to find another spider. I cleared out the spiderweb, put on my shoes, and headed out. Now, some of you may recall that a couple of weeks ago, I had a truly incendiary sunburn - the kind of red that makes people think of butter-sauce and market price. As it happens, my lower extremities have just now begun to peel. This was great fun over the weekend, when I recovered nearly enough dead skin in great fruit-leather-esque strips to make a wallet. Maybe a matching belt. The thing about peeling skin is, it's itchy.

So now I'm thinkink - is that itchiness at my ankles peeling skin? Or is it a spider, crawling around in my shoes? It occurs to me that venomous spiders are one of the few of nature's dangerous creatures that I've never had a run-in with. Them and sharks, basically. Had I found seawater and a little bit of chum in my shoes this morning, I think I'd be a lot more worried. And a spider that size, even if it were damned venomous, couldn't be too dangerous. Unless it's a baby Brown Recluse, and maybe it will set up shop in my pants.

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