1. If you could go back in time (say, I don’t know -- high school?) and do anything over again...would you? What?
You mention High School, so that's where I'm assuming I'm allowed to go back. I would - knowing what I know now, I would work very hard in school and get perfect grades (I certainly could have) and written a lot more, and tried to have been published. I'm sure I would have qualified for a free ride at any top-notch school. However, I would still join the Army, though probably as an officer rather than a grunt. Still recon, though. Basically, some early hard work would have paid off huge dividends later in life, and made things easier for me and my family. I didn't recognize then how important that is. Also there are some girls I missed out on kissing that, apparently, I should have just said something.
2.The love of your life is being held hostage by pirates behind a ship ina dingey that’s obviously falling apart. It is surrounded by giantsquids. What will you do?
Easy! This is a great opportunity for a classic game of "let's you and him fight!" I would make common cause with the pirates against the giant squids (they're mortal enemies, you know.) .. only I would wait until the pirates were sufficiently weakened before turning on them. My brilliant strategem would earn their respect for my cold-blooded cunning, and of course, their captain would have been dragged beneath the waves by the squids. (I have the t-shirt to prove it!) Therefore, I would become their captain, release my True and take up with her a career of high-seas piracy and adventure.
3. You’ve met a wonderful lady, butshe doesn’t live up entirely to the description of your “idealmate”...what traits could you live without?
Oh really any of them, I suppose. In the really real world, no one is perfect. Indeed, loving people becausee of their flaws, not in spite of them, is what makes a bond really strong. Also, since I've dated, and indeed - loved- a series of deeply flawed women, I'm not just spinning sugar here. I'm not exactly a garden of earthly delights myself - I would only hope that the people who love me will be as patient with me as is so clearly needed. How could I but do the same in return?
4. Do YOU take it up the ass??!!
Only from karma, and that's only metaphorical. Though I'll admit that prostate exams are intensely uncomfortable to me.
5. Where do you see yourself this time next year?
Hopefully with one of my two movies going into production ... so... on set!
1 - What do you think the biggest difference (besides the properpresentation of cheese-steaks) between the East and West coasts is?
The obvious answer is - the weather. The oppressively nice weather. Also, the plasticine nature of interpersonal relationships here -- I'm used to a good old fashioned Philly "Fuck you!" if you piss someone off. Out here, if you piss someone off, they invite you to lunch and then flake. IN fact, the notion that "I flaked" is a legitimate excuse is something that's new and weird to me.
2 - "Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash - pick two". Which two, and why?
Rum and sodomy, I suppose - Rum for obvious reasons. And sodomy doesn't necessarily have to be between two men, ya know. ;)
3- Your phone rings. A woman's voice you've never heard before, sultryand sexy, tells you she's being held prisoner in a building near whereyou are and begs you to rescue her. Before you can answer, you hear herscream and then the signal is cut off. What do you do?
First, call the police. But I would do this as I was dashing out the door to mount some sort of rescue operation, of course. Then, when it turned out to be a prank by my friends, they'd feel really stupid when the cops showed up.
4 - In the spirit of your #4... What's your favorite sex toy?
A simple length of silk, like a good, long scarf. It's so multi-purpose, and it's only limited by the imagination.
5 - Are you now where you expected to be in life at this point, when you graduated high school?
Hmm. Yes and no. I guess I liked the idea of working with computers, and making good money doing it is even cooler. I guess I figured I'd be married, have a dog, stuff like that, too, though. I never would have predicted the Army, that's for sure. But then again, I really had no CLUE what I wanted to do when I graduated high school, I was completely aimless. So in a way, pretty much anything other than bumhood is sort of a surprise.
And that's it for today, folks!