It turns out there's a USB KVM switch application they forgot to install for me. What does this mean? I can be remotely logged into the terminal without getting up from my desk. His exact words, "Now you don't have to spend any time hunched over the crash cart."
But I know what he was really thinking. They want to keep me from dancing. Damn them! I'm going to start a rogue admin's dancing club that will meet in a barn out in the countryside, learning how to dance like big city slickers, regardless of their repressive "rules" and "USB KVM switches". You can't keep these crazy feet from dance dance dancing!