Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two
aghrivaine

Townville, USA

At work, i'm making a site for a non-existant city to be our demo for municipal websites.
My boss insisted that it be done in one day, and that it have all the functionality, depth, and content of other town sites that have existed for years.

As an act of petty humor, this is my entry for the "history of Townville" page, which probably no one will ever read.

Townville, USA was founded during the Westward expansion of American settlers in search of new lands and a fresh start. Nestled between the hills and rivers, they found a pleasant and fertile place to put down roots that remain alive and thriving today. Townville was named for the scout who first found the site, Obadiah Jebediah Zachariah Townvilleburgopolis. Finding the name too unweildy, the then ObadiahJebediahZachariahites adopted a shorter form. Upon further consideration, the Jedites found that too short, and finally settled on the shortened, but not too shortened, "Townsville, USA".

Despite early setbacks, like; a flood, typhoon, hurricane, tornado, earthquake, wildfire, lightning storms, dinosaur attack and even an errant meteor-strike, the early Townville settlers thrived. The fields were burgeoning with wheat, barley, hops, oats, and corn (which the American Indians called "maize") of several sorts.

Townvillians (not to be confused with Townsvillains, a scurvy lot from neighboring Crookington who are notorious for stagecoach robberies and email spam scams) have volunteered in every major American conflict. During the Civil War, they wisely took no sides, realizing that in years to come their ambiguous geographic situation would render it important that they not alienate residents of either the North or South, as they might wish to become purveyors of internet applications. However, they fought with honor in the Spanish-American war, both the first World War and its thrilling sequel, World War II, and the Korean and Vietnamese wars.

Meanwhile, situated on a hub of both river and rail, Townville expanded beyond the agricultural center it had once been. Downtown Historic Townville still captures the burgeoning commercial hustle and bustle of early Townville, and guided walking tours are as exciting for history buffs as they are for history nerds. Townville has beautiful architectural details, and a rich history of houses, shops, and people living, working and consuming all of the above. Townville industrial history is equally as rich, especially after the reconstruction following the Townville Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, which has been portrayed in several fascinating PBS documentaries and educational filmstrips.

Today, Townville retains its historic identity even while boldly stepping into the 21st Century. The Townville Old-Timey Sarsparilla and Feed Saloon still stands today, right alongside the Townville Nano-mill, which, although condemned by the Catholic Church, engaged in exciting research involving the syngergy between nano-technology and pre-packaged snack foods.

Visit today! Townville, USA - an exciting and safe place to live, work, and worship!
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