In her recent book, "Are Men Necessary?" Maureen Down complains that her own success and power have inhibited her likelihood to be married. Apparently men prefer maids, secretaries and waitresses to flamin' hot, successful, powerful women. Particularly flamin' hot, successful and powerful women who have been sticking it to the Right Wing for years.
I felt it necessary, therefore, to write to Ms. Dowd to let her know that her charms were not lost on us single men.
I felt it necessary, therefore, to write to Ms. Dowd to let her know that her charms were not lost on us single men.
Dear Ms. Dowd;
Please rest assured many American men find your success, intelligence, wit, and power to be highly attractive qualities. I for one, would gladly be your househusband or pool boy.
Will you marry me?
Your admirer,
David Krieger
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Ms. Auckright Dowd, formerly of Nova Scotia, an 83-year old former Canadian National railway employee, indicated that she would like to try you as poolboy. She recently moved to Arizona on her doctor's advice, and for the first time in her life needs to maintain a small pool that came with the house. Apparently, the house was on the market for sometime, and the previous owners merely covered over the pool. Consequently, the pool is in poor condition and the filters are jammed with blackish goo. It is clearly beyond her capacity and limited financial means to overhaul the pool, and has requested your help.
Of the responses, I would say this is the most time-sensitive, as the pool has started to bubble, and she says the pool is producing an unwholesome smell which is setting off her asthma, defeating her very purpose for moving to Arizona.
I am now collating the remainder of the responses and collecting mailing addresses. I did not anticipate the magnitude of the response; I severely underestimated the demand for subservient male labor. If they are amenable, I will try to work out some kind of a time share arrangement. I don't really have time to invest on this kind of project, but I guess if I'm this far in, I might as well try to make it work out. You'll have to pick up the tab for transport from location to location, though.
-E
Also, I found your marriage proposal to the author very amusing. I almost hope she agrees, as the wedding and subsequent marriage would make an excellent sitcom.
When did my life take this turn for the mildly droll?
I beg to differ that the actual circumstances of your life would be fodder for sitcom. It's only your imagined marriage to someone who would write such an odious book that would make a good sitcom. Sort of "Dharma & Greg", with more of an edge*.
I'd say the rest of your life would play out more like "The Princess Bride": pirating, adventure, snappy dialogue, true love, revenge, and maybe some Shrieking Eels.
*Yes, I watched "Dharma & Greg." What of it?
"Maureen was a buttoned down New York journalist, too busy with career, money, and power to fall in love. Until she met.... Captain Ace Drake, high seas pirate, and long-haired adventurer... and lover extraordinaire!"