Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

the end of the story my t-shirt starts...

Oh aye, I tell 'ee, lads, it were a dark moment. There I were, with me best leg (for I'd given me o'er leg to Nelson at Trafalgar, damn his eyes! Straight at 'em indeed!) wrapped tight by a squid the likes o' which even Neptune dursn't have nightmares of - and him all wrapped abooot our best bower like a babe at its mother's dug. And tae make it worse, me number one scraper had floated off into the briny depths, weighted down by the Tippoo Sultan's sapphire, which I'd tucked away in the lining so those theivin' jackdaws wouldn't make off wi' it whilst I slept. But did I despair? Nay, lads, I didnae, 'tis no the nature of Mad Davy tae despair, and never ye doubt it, never in life!

Fer I had me best cutlass in hand, as sharp as a woman's scorn, and a lungful o' breath that I'd had the presense of mind to take before I was dragged a'neath the waves. Alright, I hear ye, Black Tom - it weren't a matter of presence of mind a'tall - it were that I was about to scream and the water cut me off. Now shut yer yob and back to yer rum, ye dog. Anyway, I took a pass at the critter's rubberly tentacle, but it were like hacking at hempen rope wrapped thrice around a chain, and I knew I'd be long drowneded 'afore I got the creature's ropy arms off o' me. So I did what clearly had tae be done, I did - and I didnae hesitate a'tall, and proof o' the truth o' me words sits a'fore ye, for surely I'd have been down wi' Davy Jones if I hadn't.

Oh aye gentlemen, that is the story of how I lost me other leg, and if I'll thank ye kindly if ye'll fill me tankard with grog fer the tellin'. Know you can say that ye heard the tale tireckly from the mouth o' Mad Davy Two-Stumps, and many's the swabbee who'll fill yer tankard, too!

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