Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two

Donde esta el pulpo grande?

Since I am living in Los Angeles, it seems only reasonable that I learn the native language. So, before I departed for the West Coast, I acquired a series of cd's that allege to teach Spanish using the world-famous "Pimsleur Method". (It is not well known that the Pimsleur method is not named after its creator, Arthur Pimsleur, but instead is an acronym for People In Many States Learning English Under Restraints, as it was originally intended for non-English speaking residents of insane asylums to learn to better communicate with their mental health professional helpers.)

On the drive in from Oxnard, which takes somewhere between an hour and two hours depending on traffic, I put in one of the half-hour lessons, and proceed to learn Spanish. At first, I dutifully followed the instructions, repeating just as the instructor said. Mostly, the first few lessons seem to prepare the aspiring Spanish speaker to make plain the fact that he does not understand English or Spanish, and does not speak English or Spanish. Also, friendly greetings may be exchanged.

Naturally, I tired of this fairly quickly. I began to do things to make it more interesting. When the instructor asked questions, I did my best to answer as if I were a Mexican masked wrestler (Or Luchador, as we Spanish-speakers call them...) It's kind of fun to bellow sub-grammar-school Spanish at the top of one's lungs in as deep and macho a voice as one can muster. (In my case, that is very deep, and very macho indeed, and I am considering that perhaps my future may lie in the masked-wrestling line of work.)

Also, I try my best to make as many of my answers to the instructors questions involve octopi. I don't know the word for squid yet, or I would use that. Sometimes I also try and speak as if I were an Italian, learning Spanish - which makes for a baffling accent, I'm sure - along with a fair smattering of Italian words thrown in alongside the Spanish ones. I imagine that a Spanish-Italian restaraunt would be quite delicious, so why shouldn't the language also be? My particular favorite is words with the letter "r" in them, because I get to roll that "r" like it's a drunken yuppie with a wad of cash in a dark alley. Technically, only "r"'s followed by consonants, or initial "r"'s get rolled with gusto, but I think it's mch more fun to roll them all.

By the time I arrive in the studio, I've got a head full of nonsense Spanish with ludicrous Italian Luchador pronunciation. Naturally this is how I greet whomever I happen to be working with that day. "Buenos dias, senor. De donde es usted? Usted es un pulpo grande? No? Donde esta el pulpo grande?"

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