Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two (aghrivaine) wrote,
Rum, Sodomy, and the Lash: Pick Two
aghrivaine

Politics: Bush's new VP running-partner

Much talk has been made of President Bush potentially replacing VP Cheney for the next election. It wasn't until recently when a well-documented public incident made the perfect solution obvious - the Bush/Zombie-Reagan ticket.

People have expressed concerns - isn't there some law against the undead running for public office?

The Constitution offers no specific prohibition against zombies serving their country. In fact, the majority of the Administration is already composed of the undead. It is a little known fact that Secretary of State Colin Powell is the only cabinet-level member that still has a beating heart.

Zombie Reagan, however, cannot become President, because he has already served two terms in that office. If George W. Bush were to die during his second term (say, by being eaten by Zombie Reagan), three options exist: the Speaker of the House would be elevated to the Presidency, Congress would convene to elect a new President or the President would undergo the zombification process and complete his term.


Will Zombie Reagan require the brains of the living to feast on?
Yes. However, enough Young Republicans have volunteered to donate the ones they aren’t using that this will not be an issue.


Is Zombie Reagan really that much of an advantage? Doesn’t John Kerry have the zombie vote locked up?
No. John Kerry, in fact, isn’t really a zombie. He is more akin to Frankenstein’s Monster, built out of parts stolen from graveyards under cover of night. He simply claims to be a zombie for political advantage.


Of course, Zombie-Reagan retains all of his media savvy. He's gone on tour with notoriously liberal announcers, not likely to be particularly friendly to his return to unlife public office - like Larry King.

Here's a transcript:

Larry King Live
[Transcript courtesy CNN.]

KING: BRAAAAINS! BRAAAAINS!

ZOMBIE REAGAN: BRAAAINS! BRAAAAINS!

KING: BRAAAAINS! BRAAAAAINS!

ZOMBIE REAGAN: BRAAAINS!

[Transcript ends.]

I for one am glad to see that the Bush Administration is so willing to rob the grave embrace the Reagan Legacy so openly, as well as bring to the fore the plight of an underserved and under-recognized minority in American public unlife life.
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