April 27th, 2010

monkey pirate

If heaven is Belgium...

And I believe it is, with the world's best beer and chocolate - then Hell is a dentist's chair. Yesterday I made the mistake of not eating beer and chocolate. Instead, I had some cereal. Shocking and wrong-headed, I know. In one particularly toothsome bite (heh heh that pun will make sense in a second, just wait for it...) I crunched down on something really hard. Like, a pebble or something! Those bastardos at Trader Joes, putting pebbles in their cereal! Then I fished it out and discovered it was an off-white color. Oddly like a tooth fragment. So much like a tooth fragment that..by golly, it WAS a tooth fragment.

So yeah, broke a tooth. And to cut to the chase, after my first taste of hot coffee which sent a jolt of pain right up into my seventh chakra, I was in a dentist's chair getting the bad news that I needed to have two wisdom teeth removed, a cavity filled, two crowns, a deep cleaning, and irrigation. They numbed me up and dove in on the first part - cleaning, one crown, irrigation. I can't fault the dentist or her assistants for being anything other than competent and cheerful, and explaining all the procedures, their charges, and what my insurance (mostly didn't) cover.

But there I am getting whole sections of my mouth drilled off, and it's pure Hell. I keep telling myself, "I am a leaf on a still pond. I am a leaf on a still pond. I am settled delicately on the reflective surface of a sun-dappled pond. The air is crisp and cool, and I do not hear the high-pitched whining of a wasp from hell drilling drilling DRILLING into my jaw. I am a leaf on a pond. Somewhere, someone other than me can feel the drill-bit JUDDERING AGAINST HIS JAW. Oh god! Oh sweet mother of bounteous boobies, it's me, it's me! I'm not a leaf! I'm not a leaf! That's part of my body flying up in dust form to coat the ...oh my god she is JAMMING A PICK into an empty socket. I am a leaf on a pond. I am a leaf on a still and serene pond...floating gently, so gently...HELP ME!

So yeah. Now I have a temporary crown, which is where they make a resin cast of your tooth, grind off all but a nub, and then epoxy the cast onto the nub. Everything tastes like the dentist's office. I am still very temperature sensitive. In most other ways, my life is also a shambles - a sad, painful shambles that is nothing like Belgium and much like a dentist's chair.
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