July 23rd, 2009

monkey pirate

Cat on a Vespa

Note: There is no actual cat on a Vespa in this entry.

Dummy has an infected ear that she got after her battles with Bad Cat over turf. I've been cleaning it with peroxide and even rubbing alcohol, but as soon as it scabs over, she scratches it open again. As a result it's kind of stinky. So I took her to the vet. With most cats, "took her to the vet" would be a sort of laconic understatement like, "20th century Europe was inconvenienced by German aggression." But Dummy is a phlegmatic sort of creature, and generally accepts these sorts of indignities with little more than a token growl. She went into the carrier with some ease, but truly didn't enjoy the car, not one little bit. She's not a very vocal creature, but she piteously yowled the entire trip.

The vet cleaned out her ear thoroughly and diagnosed antibiotics. Oh, such a simple phrase is, "administer twice daily." But a simple procedure it is not. This is akin to saying, "defeat Chuck Norris twice daily" or maybe "wrestle a shark twice daily". Dummy does not want the antibiotics. She doesn't want anything put forcibly in her mouth (who among us can say he does?) but the antibiotics are a special hot Hell that she loathes with considerable force. And cunning. Oh, the cunning. She's learned, you see. Much as Giger's xenomorphs adapt, each time I fetch the dropper from the fridge, Dummy finds new ways to resist. She'll climb on top of the closet and hunker in the back where I can't reach her. She'll duck under the table and dart from chair to chair when I try and fish her out. She uses all her considerable wiles - and she is wiley! - to avoid the terrible awful stuff.

Once I've gotten a hold of her, the struggle has just begun. I have been taught the ineffable patterns of cat kung-fu by an expert, and so in this I am no slouch. But Dummy's Ethereall Wriggling Fish method is considerable indeed. When at first the Frivolous Velociraptor Claw Hold was sufficient, I've finally had to resort to the Tall Continent Iron Horse Posture - a grip no cat can resist. But Dummy will make me pay for my insolence, oh yes she will. Her Tropical Lashing Frond Claw is as unpredictable as lightning, and nearly as painful across the face. Still, I've managed to medicate her.

So far. So far. If I disappear, call the police and send a veterinarian.

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