June 13th, 2007


Zombies in Venice?

This morning I figured if I could stare balefully at a computer screen at home, I could do it at work. I took my eye gunk medicine, and headed out. Walking down the alley in Speedway, I glanced over at a scuffle going on. This is not unusual - while the vagrant population in Venice is mostly harmless if highly colorful, from time to time the peace is disrupted.

Two of the local denizens were hunched over something and sort of ...yanking it between them. For just a mad second, I thought it was a human arm they were gnawing on! I made my mental checklist - Zombie Appocalypose preparedness kit in the car - check! I'm closer to the car than home, and home wouldn't be terribly secure anyway - so head for the car. Where do I go from there? CRAP - I haven't thought this through nearly enough. I am, however, wearing an eyepatch. This is apropos of nothing in particular, but I figure - come the Zombie Appocalypse, I'm much more clearly a central character if I have some distinguishing mark like an eyepatch. But wait...what if this isn't pinkeye at all? What if it's the first stage of the Walking Dead Plague? Of course, by that time, I'd gotten to the car anyway. There were no other shambling hordes of the hungry dead, and in fact - quite a few people walking around as if nothing at all were out of the ordinary.

Ok, ok. I just went to work. But watch out zombies of Venice - i've got my eye on you!
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More Zombie Sightings

Cow-orkers and I walked down to The Water Garden for lunch - there's a Subway there for cheap lunch and a nice view. Through the smoked glass of the doors to the interior, I saw a bunch of cops piling onto one poor unfortunate. I couldn't make out details, but I could tell that the cops weren't having much luck - they'd grab him, wrestle him down, and then a few seconds later he'd be up on his feet again - grabbing them right back!

Perhaps he was a zombie, looking for spicy, succulent police brains? Send more cops! It got me to wondering about a couple of more zombie-related issues. What would I do if the ZA broke out while I was at work? This is actually a not-terrible place to hole up, at least temporarily. There's only one entranceway, and it would be pretty easily blocked. Provided we had water and food (and I've got a huge stash of protein bars) we could hold out quite a while, I think. Even better would be access to some kind of boat down at the marina though ... Catalina Island or even Hawaii? At any rate, away from land is away from zed!

But what would the legal rights of a zombie be? I mean, could we actually prove that they were undead? Would they have right to legal counsel? I imagine it wouldn't be hard to establish that they were not competent, but christ - does that mean that legally, zombies have to be released because they're not competent to stand trial? Egads... I suppose this would be the one and only circumstance in which President Bush's limitless power to detain anyone, anywhere, indefinitely without trial, process, or counsel would seem wise. Send the zombies to Guantanamo!

Huh, spooky. I just looked up the police report for the incident at the Water Garden - it's too soon for that one to be reported. But they are saying there's been some sort of band of derelicts in Santa Monica assaulting people and vandalizing property. I wonder if they shut down some methadone clinic or something, and suddenly there's a ton of angry, dope-sick hobos wandering around venting their spleens. It's zed! I know it! :)
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