January 2nd, 2007

monkey pirate

Snow Leopard - a stoopid animal that deserves to be extinct.

I heard on NPR this morning that snow leopards are nearly extinct.

And you know what? They deserve to be extinct. That's right, I said it. Look, they're a predator that has decided that it wants to live in an environ where very few other mammals hang out - which is to say, the snow wastes. So it has this very specific microclimate it has to live in, and one that is very delicate since they're at the top of an already tenuous food chain. Now, roundabouts when global warming started shrinking the snow wastelands of the world, and the encroachment of man made their habitable enivrons less and less tenable, those suckers ought to have evolved. Plus, they're so darn cute that A: National Geographic photographers stalk them like paparazzi on Angelina Jolie - and B: lots of people want to shoot them and take their fur.

Survival wise, these are poor adaptations. They get no peace - if someone isn't poaching them, someone else is scaring off all their prey by tracking their diry-hippy-national-geographic stank all over the snowy wastelands. A far better adaptation would be, say, to evolve into junkyard leopards, instead of snow leopards. That way as the polar icecaps melt, and the snowy wastelands are more and more used as landfills to deposit cast off human filth, the junkyard leopard could blend right in and stalk the vast tracts of smashed cars, dirty diapers, fast food wrappers and used and discarded consumer electronics without being molested by dirty hippies or hunters. Plus, they'd have vast swarms of extraordinarily meaty rats to feed on, thus guaranteeing a life of ease and stress-free predation.

But snow leopards? Outta luck.

Poll #899172 Snow Leopard

Snow Leopard - stoopid animal that deserves to be extinct. Agree or disagree?

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