September 19th, 2005

monkey pirate

DJ Piratical and MC Squidly

Now all hands to the capstan
and ready to make sail
I'm the number one captain
that other motherfuckers must hail.
I'm DJ Piratical
And i'm back from sabbatical
To sail the seven seas, and hail the heavenlies.
Wenches that is,
Yeah, you know I like 'em,
Run out my guns and spike 'em,
There's no booty I won't plunder
And leave 'em to wonder -
"Who had those nine pound balls,
I sure hope he calls!"

But let me step aside, just for a moment,
The seas are high, and the waves are foamin'.
I'm needed on the quarterdeck,
For a little booty-check -
So I'm givin' the mic to my multi-armed homie,
MC Squidly, the Giant squid who nearly stole me!

Yo ho, yo ho - a bottle of rum,
Yo ho, yo ho, don't be dumb.
I said to the ho's, don't be dumb,
Hang with the pirates, and get some rum.

Ahoy, avast, and grog in yer mug,
It's talk like a pirate day
So shiver me butt-plug!


Thankee kindly, Captain Piratical,
A pirate who's badass, stylish, and also practical -
Like he was sayin', i'm the king-beneath-the-waves,
A Giant Squid, who MC's all the raves.
I can spin 8 records at a time, while I bust a rhyme,
with 8 arms that are 15 yards long,
and one of 'em doubles as a schlong.
Right about now you should be thinkin',
I hope that's an arm with which he's drinkin'!

My MC skills are as deep as the sea,
No one's got rhymes as bad as me.
Any dj who battles me is a creep-
I'll drag him beneath the briny deep!
I've got eyes the size of a dj's platter,
When it comes to beats, they ain't none phatter.

But DJ Piratical's got something to shout,
So I'm passin' him the mic - yo, peace out!

Yo ho, yo ho - a bottle of rum,
Yo ho, yo ho, don't be dumb.
I said to the ho's, don't be dumb,
Hang with the pirates, and get some rum.

Ahoy, avast, and grog in yer mug,
It's talk like a pirate day
So shiver me butt-plug!


Avast ye matey's and ye wenches it's time to set sail,
For a party so phat you'll have to post bail.
When it comes to droppin' rhymes on a dead man's chest,
There's no one on the seven seas that denies I'm the best.
So step lively lads, and get up in the riggin'
We'll bust out the grog, and make with the jiggin'.

Me and my scurvy crew roam all seven seas,
Wanderin' and wonderin' and rogering and plundering!
Our enemies are blundering, our cannons are thundering -
And Seasick Pete keeps on chundering!
My rhymes are as sharp as my trusty cutlass,
So stand back and dance, while I bust ya's.
I drop a beat like a two-ton anchor,
When wenches talk back, you know I'll spank 'er.

Yo ho, yo ho - a bottle of rum,
Yo ho, yo ho, don't be dumb.
I said to the ho's, don't be dumb,
Hang with the pirates, and get some rum.

Ahoy, avast, and grog in yer mug,
It's talk like a pirate day
Shiver me butt-plug!


So thanks for listenin' to me and the MC,
The scurviest rappers sailing the sea.
Now up anchor, and set sail,
This song is over, we've got to bail.
If you need us just remember we won't be far -
Call us any time with a lusty "Aaaaar!"
bone

Ragtime

Saturday night, I went to see Ragtime: The Musical at the Landis Performing Arts Center in Riverside, CA.

The play is a social-realism song-and-dance extravaganza. The majority of time on stage is spent singing and dancing, so as you might expect, the musical will live and die based on the quality of music. The story centers around the historical events and cultural changes occurring around the turn of the century, just prior to World War One.

'Course, that's basically backdrop to a whole lot of singing and dancing. The show is totally stolen by a talented actor by the name of Frank Romeo, who plays the role of "Father". Father is an allegory for the archetypical American male of the time - close-minded, obsessed with propriety, with a mind for industry, invention or discovery - but none at all for empathy, compassion, or sentiment. The play is, in a very real way, about the evolution of Father as a character - how he realizes that his world is changing, and his attitudes will have to change with it. Father *is* American culture - in all it's complication and intricacy. Given this monumental task, Romeo imbues the character with a multi-layered, nuanced beauty that lurks beneath Father's stoic exterior. The light of understanding and a flowering consciousness slowly grows within Father's rigid frame, until at last, all the other players and actors are rendered into bit-parts, sad little stalking shadows writ small against a noon-day sun.

It's almost a pity that Father ends up so wholly dominating the play, becuase there are fine parts with fine actors that get lost in his brilliance. The character of "Colehouse" (Charl Brown) is a complicated, empassioned role with some stellar songs, belted out with amazing depth and clarity by Brown's superb singing voice. Still, he's no Father/Romeo.

Some of the song-and-dance numbers are so old-timey that they almost seem like a Simpsons parody, like Mr. Burns' "See My Vest" number from the episode with the puppies. But, it's saved from irrelevance by the outstanding voice and presence of Frank Romeo.