May 4th, 2005

poo-flinging

Jade Empire: A review

Arguably my favorite video game of all times was "Knights of the Old Republic" by Bioware. It had everything I wanted in a game - not only a good storyline, amazing visual effects, exciting gameplay, and competent voiceacting... but I got to be a jedi! A real (virtual) Jedi!

So when the same company announced that they were releasing "Jade Empire", an RPG set in mythic China and evoking the fantastic 'fu duels of Channel 48's Black Belt Theatre of my youth - I was as excited as a masochist at Linndie England's family reunion. I was all a-quiver with anticipation, a full two years before the game came out. I'd check the website from time to time, hoping that I'd forgotten the release date and it was actually already out. I pre-ordered the game, and carefully budgeted the money ahead of time, even though money has been really tight lately.

Man, what a let down. In the Buddhist sense, expectations are the downfall of Enlightenment, so I suppose I ought to be grateful to Bioware for helping me find my Buddha-nature. In order to help *them* get in touch with their Buddha nature, I'd like to pick up a Kyosaku and beat them retarded. And truly, beating people retarded is about the only gratifying element of "Jade Empire".

Cut for long review of "Jade Empire"
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