December 16th, 2004

monkey pirate

Salve Vale

Well, this is it.
Late last night, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I was obsessing about all the details of leaving - what I needed to do, in what order, and how. But now it's nearly all done, and the worrying in the dark of night was of no assistance in accomplishing it.

I have a few last things to pack or throw away. Last night, in the midst of despairing at the horrid volume of stuff I had yet to store or take to the trash, The Hobbit came over and affected a rescue. In short order everything, or nearly everything, that I wanted to keep was stored away. I was astonished at the sheer volume of it - I had envisioned that I would be storing only a few essentials; imagined, in fact, that maybe I oughtn't store anything, and just start anew out West. But, once everything I felt was "essential" was put away, the storage unit was filled to the brim.

And then came the ruthless work of disposing of everything non-essential -- all the shoddy stuff I had no use for, or worse, the little tchotchkes and memorabilia of a life well led. Each little thing had a story to tell - here was the pirate Playmobil person that Lex gave me on my birthday, there statue that was an award for "best costume" at the Roman Feast. There were remnant's of Claudia's stay, too - and what to do with them?

So now it's nearly all done, and I have to take my cable box and cable modem back to the company, and so my internet connection will die. A few last things to carry to the dumpster, and then I will pack up and be on my way. Out West.

My feelings are not of unalloyed joy. I do hope to find fortune and adventure out West, it's true. But I'm leaving behind an awful lot of attachments that were worth having - friends and family. The Hobbit and I talked for a long time before he went home last night, and I think that's the hardest part, leaving my friends behind. I'll go to a city full of new places and new faces, but without the comfort of long association.

And there are other people I leave behind that are even more bittersweet. But enough of that! Enough of these East Coast worries - I have West Coast possibilities ahead. My apartment is empty and bare and the white walls look stark and forlorn. But the sun is setting in the West, and I'll follow it, to warmer and brighter climes - new friends, new work, and I hope -- all the things I have not found here at home that make it worth the leaving.

Hail and farewell, East Coast! Farewell my dear friends, my family - my familiar environs. Farewell, farewell. I may return, but this will never be home again.

I go.